Cutting Weight, Healing Leg: Part 6

I weighed 162 pounds this morning. I ate approximately 2,299 calories today, and burned approximately 530 calories doing exercise (Muay Thai).

Leg: Right directions. Still a lump. Still sore, and a strange kind of tension and soreness throughout the quad. But certainly healing. Certainly. Just has to stay healthy. Stay healthy stay healthy.

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Humby Dum Dum.

Don't worry, if I don't have a prevailing/overarching idea I won't witter away more than I just did, there. Here are a few things on my mind today regarding this:

I am hungry. It is no fun to be hungry like this. It is particularly weird because you eat these good meals -- these good little meals, but they're good -- so sometimes your stomach is kind of full but still you are hungry, because you are in this calorie deficit, because: losing weight. Duh. Blah blah complain complain I have to cut a little weight.

I think "apices" is the plural of "apex", so let's go with that: apices. What I'm talking about here is heights, and fear. The 'height' is this: you're not hurt. You're body is healthy (mostly. leg.) and getting stronger; you can feel yourself getting stronger and better, however not great and flawed you are, you are improving. That's an amazing feeling.

It comes with a fear: that something will happen to snap it: that health, vitality, and growth. I'm not usually prone to this kind of feeling, but when I'm training for a fight I am, because--this is a huge part of the whole thing, for me--at a certain point other people have invested time and energy, and you want to reward that by at a minimum being strong and ready on the day and fighting hard.

So stay healthy, knock wood: nothinggowrong nothinggowrong nothinggowrong.

Here's the next one: coherence. So a deep-if-you-are-a-teenager thought I've been having, because I've been having all these semi-delirious thoughts, is my dawning real comprehension of the word coherence. Coherence: making sense. Cohere: clinging together. You get it? The way that having a fight puts a purpose behind many practices in my life ties them all together; makes them cohere; gives those parts of my life great "coherence." And coherence is, basically, satisfying and good.

This is grade-school stuff, but it's a useful personal revelation for me. Because it underscores something I sort of knew, but am glad to know-know: it really adds so much for me to have a drive, reason, for my physical life -- I love living it, and doing things, but I'm not motivated by appearance or social pressures or any of that stuff; I'm slightly motivated by long-term health, but that doesn't cover all the kinds of stuff that I enjoy doing. So having a reason, a thing that is like "this is why I'm doing this" just... it's a satisfying thing to have in your life.

Which is funny, cuz it's just a recreational fight, right? It's funny.

Anyway. Out. G'night.